Saturday, April 12, 2025
God heard the tears that I never cried out loud
There comes a time when life just doesn’t wound you, IT SHAKES YOU BADLY!. It steals your breath, rattles your peace and breaks something deep inside you that words cannot quite encompass - a betrayal; a bitter disappointment; or a loss that shattered my heart. I have been through so much O Lord. When will it all end? I reflect on how I smiled in banquet halls while my heart bled in silence. I carried burdens that some can never lift.
But healing doesn't need an applause to begin. Our deepest pain is often unannounced. We endure it in silence. In solitude I held back the tears, and numb every pain. It all hurt me badly deep inside. But God sees it all. The disappointments I kept to myself, the pain that never made it to my eyes because I kept masking the hurts. But Heaven has kept a receipt of it all; every tear I didn’t cry out loud, every ache I didn’t speak out, has been recorded in the heart of God. He hasn’t forgotten my darkest moments, not a single bit. He hears the silence of my soul louder than a thousand cries. He reads me like an open book even when I walked through fire with a fake smile. My suffering didn’t go unnoticed. He felt it the moment my heart broke. My tears carried prayers that my mouth was to paralyzed by anguish to utter. He responds to my spirit, He responds to my faith, He just needs me to surrender. He has responded to my prayers when the acidity of the intense pain made me too mute to pray.
God wants your heart
God doesn’t need me to verbalise my pain to heal me. He just needs my heart, but it must be pure and sincere. Even when I am too anaesthetised by disappointments to speak, too overwhelmed to hope, God hears me. My heart is speaking to Him even when my lips don’t and He is surely listening. He is not looking for poetic verses, He just wants my heart to embrace His love - Spirit to spirit. God reads hearts rather than well-rehearsed prayers. Just come to Him as you are; broken, hurting, and confused. His love remains the same, even when you are too exhausted to pray, too numb to hope. He has kept a record of your unspoken prayers.
God sees the storms behind my eyes. God reads my heart. He knows the difference between someone who says a hundred prayers with no faith, and someone who says nothing at all but believes He is still listening, still caring. When I whisper “God I am tired”, that is a prayer. That moment I sighed and looked at the ceiling, that was a prayer! That silent scream! In the car when my thoughts were louder than the radio. The sleepless nights in bed wondering if God still has a plan for me! Those were prayers, and He has recorded them all.
Even when I don’t know how to put it into words, God heard me. He says my pain is valid and not unnoticed. He is not limited to language. He doesn’t need a translator for my soul. He felt my silent pain louder than a thousand cries. He responded even when I felt He was distant, or nowhere to be seen. Even when the silence from heaven mirrored the silence in my own soul, He was working. He is a healer in the quiet. He is not upset when you are hurting or weak. In fact it is in my weakness His strength shows up the most. It is in my silence when His voice becomes the clearest. It is in my hidden tears that He does the deepest work. I have suffered in silence but healing is coming and soon the joy is coming publicly. The tears I cry in private is being answered. It is not in vain.
God’s silence
I have been through so many ups and downs in my journey- countless disappointments and setbacks. Lord when will you settle me? God may seem silent when we are hurting. But this silence is sacred. It is preparation for something of the magnitude of what is about to break open in my life. He moves things in your favour without announcing it to the world. What you do in this silence determines how prepared you will be when the shift comes. God is stretching your endurance, He is enlarging my capacity and teaching me to depend on Him, not on what I feel or what I see. We cannot hear or see God’s plan for us by using the flesh but by the spirit. He wants your spirit to know His voice intimately so that when He speaks again you know it with clarity and conviction. Don’t despise the waiting, don’t curse the process.
He is building something in my life. He is writing a story that will not only bless me but to bless my generation. You have to believe something is moving in the spirit to favour you. Something is shifting in the spirit. Something is moving on your behalf. So breathe easy, rest and stand firm. Don’t let the stillness convince that you are stucked in a pit. I am not stucked, I am being stationed. I am being positioned. Once God comes through for me it will all make sense. I will know why the doors had to be shut a little longer, and why some people walked away, and how God used the delay to stretch me.
When God shows up He will do it in a way that will silence every lie, every critic and every doubt that tried to break me. So hold on. When He shifts the situation, the whole world will know He never left me. He was just getting everything ready for me. I am glad I held on at many juncture in my life. So keep walking, keep believing. God’s answer will be greater than your pain.
What others now see in you
My family and close friends have seen the setbacks I have been through. Yet I am still standing, still here and believing that something great will come from all this. I am sure in the economy of God’s wisdom, He does not waste the “pain” I went through. He sees every tear that never fell, He hears every scream that I never released. We live in a world that tries to downplay suffering. People tell me to move on, get over it, toughen up. But God doesn’t do that! He meets me at the middle of my pain. He walks with me in my valley and sits with me in my darkest nights, and begins my healing.
He is not going to change my struggles as they are meant to build me, nor will He rush my healing. Healing cannot be rushed, as it’s not putting a band-aid to numb my sore, but to correct what is flawed inside me. Inner healing and transformation is a process that requires time. Everything works for the good of those who loves Him (Romans 8:28). So every ounce of struggle He allows me to go through has a purpose beyond what I can imagine. The very thing that tried to break you, God will use to bless you. He takes what hurt you to elevate you. He takes what is broken and makes it beautiful. While you are weeping, God is already working on your behalf. While you are asking “how”, God already has a plan. He doesn’t just want to fix your situation, He wants to transform it. And often that transformation begins in our hearts.
Pain has a way of opening up our hearts that nothing else can. It humbles us, it refines us. It strips away our pride, our comfort and illusions and draws us closer to the One that can actually save us. When God answers it will be more than enough and He answers not just according to the measure of your pain but out of the abundance of His love,
People are now not seeing what I lost, but what God has rebuilt and is rebuilding. They are seeing a different version of me. Trust the process. It’s worth every silent tear. Pain doesn’t have the final say. God’s word does. His word is restoration, healing, victory and a glorious destiny. His blessings will surpass every dark season I have endured.
