Victor Chen Ministries

After being home for over a month and being in New Zealand for 9 days, I need to return to Shanghai to work. Home sickness is already creeping into my soul. I do feel lonely in the hotel room there every night. By nature I am not outgoing and stay at home most of the time. At home I have my parents around and my friends nearby.

We are all a creature of habits and me in particular likes stability, familiarity, settlement and not a life of uncertainty. It takes a toll on my mental peace when I am not settled in my work or relationship. 

This time last year I was still dating someone and I had wanted to build  a life and the businesses together with her. I can’t do it alone, not emotionally. Yes I had dated before but it was the first time I truly loved someone, and to love God’s way. But it wasn’t meant to be as our times together were short-lived. When I bought a condominium unit in KL last year, I even told her we won’t live just in Malaysia, but also in China and other cities as we will buy our own residences. I always knew that God will enlarge my tent, and  extend my market reach globally. 

“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18).  For now I just have to believe that the Lord will surely send someone who will be with me and whom I can love and be faithful to.  

Change always bring discomfort. But change is necessary if I want to be the man God wants me to be, and to reach the reach the full potential He has for me. Yet following His will does not mean I know where I will end up. It’s a walk of faith and knowing He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me.

I resonate with these words of Thomas Merton below. The predictable has temporarily been replaced with the uncertain. I’ve been forced out of my comfort zone in Malaysia into the groan zone where I am forced to figure out how to adapt and live in a new environment and work place.

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. 
I do not see the road ahead of me. 
I cannot know for certain where it will end. 
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am 
following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. 
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. 
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. 
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. 
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road 
though I know nothing about it. 
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem 
to be lost and in the shadow of death. 
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, 
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. 
— Thomas Merton (Thoughts in Solitude)

I cannot allow adversity to derail me from the purpose God has for me or distract me from helping the people He wants us to serve. Let’s grow through the struggle, the fears, the uncertainties, and not shrink back because of the struggle, the pain and the hurts. 

I am sure years later, I will look back at what I wrote today; when my life is settled, when my life is certain and with the love of my life. I will look back at my feelings today and be proud of my persistence and perseverance. God will see me through!

# posted by Eleventh Hour @ 10:14 PM